So last November, there was a bit of a fiscal cliff in our family and it was no joke. By that I mean we had too few dollars and too many days left until the next pay period.
As in, we had an account balance of approximately $9 and a (very long) week to go before there would be another deposit into said account.
I went through a mental list of all the unneccesary things I had purchased in the last month or so, kicking myself for spending $3.50 on a latte when a house coffee would have been enough... regretting the purchase of an extra bottle of red wine... wonder why I got take out pizza when I should have just suffered through another round of grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. Many people probably know that drill. Regardless, I told myself that would never happen again.
Self fulfilling prophecy. I should know better than to say "never again"s even in my head.
Fast forward to today. It's four months later, and with no holidays or family birthdays to blame, we are in the very same boat. We did some relatively small things that we could not afford, and in the end it has cost me any sense of calm I might otherwise have. Learning to live within our means is hard hard hard. For a long time, we lived how we wanted to live and figured out how to pay for it later. Now, having absolutely no credit cards available to us means we have no ability to live outside of our means. A lot of people would say, "That's fantastic! If you can't afford to spend, you don't spend."
Those are the people who have never lived like this before.
Living like this is by no means fantastic. Living like this is ridiculously stressful. But I do agree that it makes sense. It makes sense to only spend what you make, because that means you aren't diving further into debt. But I cannot tell you how nervous I am right now, because I have under $20 and a week to go. I'm trying very hard to not think about this but it really does rob me of a clear mind. I am struggling very hard to be grateful that this time I (a) have a full tank of gas, (b) have spring break next week and therefore another week of very little driving and (c) (perhaps most importantly) groceries that I think I can stretch to last a week or so.
So maybe the lesson in all of this is just to count the blessings that I do have. And when I do end up here again, because I probably will, to remind myself that the sky doesn't fall, the sun might still be shining and there's oxygen and to spare. Oh, and I have a working spouse, three healthy kids and a roof over my head.
And that's nothing to laugh at.
